While the holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year for some people, as someone who struggles with mental health, this time of year can be difficult. Holiday anxiety is REAL. This can look different for different people.

For me, it’s mainly feeling a pressure to be with loved ones and do all the holiday things, while forgetting to take care of myself. Let’s explore what holiday anxiety can look & feel like, plus a list of my best tips for coping.

What Does Holiday Anxiety Look Like?

Anxiety during the holidays can impact people in a lot of different ways. Here are just a few examples.

Tense feelings
Sweating
Stomach Issues
Negative thoughts
Muscle tension
Dreading social events
Feeling restless
Not being able to sleep
Short breaths
Shaking

What Does Social Anxiety Feel Like During the Holidays?

I wrote this letter to help people better understand my holiday anxiety and how it impacts me socially. I hope by sharing it others can better understand how their loved ones might feel too.

To my loved ones this holiday season,

It’s not you it’s me…and my anxiety. This holiday season please don’t be offended if I step away. Togetherness and family time can be great, but it can also be overwhelming for those struggling with mental health.

It’s easy for my mind to get over stimulated and shut down at social gatherings. So if I step away…please don’t take it personally.

Sometimes it’s too much for me and that’s okay. I’m a work in progress and I’m constantly learning how to deal with my anxiety. Over the years I’ve learned that loud noise and large groups are triggers for me. It’s something I can’t control.

Put me in a room with more than five people and loud conversation and it all becomes a blur. Anxiety takes over. My mind goes into overdrive. I can’t focus on a single conversation. I feel alone in a crowded room. I feel suffocated. Sometimes I have difficulty breathing.

Yes, even if it’s family who loves me or people I’ve known for years.

It’s the many different conversations going on at once. The social pressure I feel to contribute, yet not knowing which conversation to jump into. The painful small talk. And the fear of missing out or being labeled as anti-social.

My mind starts to blur. It all makes me want to curl up in the corner and disappear. When my anxious mind gets over stimulated, I just need to be. Be in my own presence. Reorganize my thoughts. Acknowledge my feelings. Take a breath.

So when I step away at the holiday event, I’m not being anti-social. I’m not being disrespectful. I’m standing up for myself. So please don’t shame me. Please don’t follow me. Please don’t take it personally. Instead be proud.

Proud of me for having the courage to follow my instincts and do what’s best for me.

Proud of me for taking a moment to regain control over my anxiety.

And proud of me for practicing self love.

I’m not asking you to understand because I know it’s hard to understand. I’m asking for you to respect my decisions if I need to step away, know that social gatherings can be challenging for me, and accept that I’m a work in progress.

XOXO, Overly Anxious Emily

6 Holiday Self Care Tips for People with Anxiety

With the added anxiety of the holidays it’s EXTRA important to take care of yourself.

The pressure to spend time with everyone often results in me feeling drained and exhausted because I don’t practice self-care and neglect to have downtime for myself.

Here are a few holiday self care tips and ways to deal with social anxiety during the holidays. I try to remind myself of these things during the high expectations of the festive season and all of the holiday gatherings.

It’s okay to say no.

The holidays are busy and yes, family time is important, but it’s okay to say no. There is a lot going on this time of year and when struggling with mental health, it can be a challenge to keep up. Say no to what you need to.

No holiday parties? That’s okay.

No buying gifts or holiday shopping this year? That’s okay too. The holiday season shouldn’t be about the stress of gifts.

Don’t feel bad about saying no. Although, I know this is easier said than done. It’s something I’m still working on too. Being comfortable saying no can be tricky.

Whenever I say no, my anxiety pushes me into a spiral of thoughts….they think I’m anti-social, they hate me, they’re never going to invite me out again, etc. But I think the more your practice saying no, the easier it becomes.

***Pro-tip for people with family members struggling with mental health. If your loved one says no to an outing please respect their decision. It probably took a lot of courage for them to pass on the outing and stand up for their own self-care. So any more pressure to come out or join the family will probably spark their anxiety more.

Set boundaries with your family & yourself.

Set boundaries not only with your loved ones, but also with yourself. If you find that going to those holiday parties makes you anxious, but you want to go, agree to going to the gathering for one hour and then one hour of self-care when you get home.

Set boundaries with your loved ones, so that they can respect your needs for self-care. For example, if you’re in your room with your door closed try to make your family understand that means you need time to recharge.

Keep Up Your Self Care Practice

I find it hard during the holidays to keep up my self-care practice, but it's so important. My morning routine is my self care time and this is something that really helps me feel less anxious and more grounded.

For me I like to drink my coffee in silence with the dog. Then I do a a quick yoga flow to move my body. I say a few affirmations or journal. Then I make myself breakfast and start my day. This really helps me reset especially after a night in a social setting.

If you don’t have a self care routine consider starting one to keep you feeling less anxious during the holidays.

Have something to help bring you back to the present moment

If you're at a holiday function and feel overwhelmed consider having a strategy to bring yourself back to the present. This could be something like going outside and breathing in the fresh air, a deep breathing exercise, or positive affirmations to remind yourself.

Having a game plan can be an important step in feeling more confident in social situations.

Not everyone in your family understands mental health & self-care

This is the tricky part. Not everyone understands mental health and self-care. I tend to get frustrated with my loved ones who don’t understand because it makes self-care that much harder. But it helps teach us patience. The patience goes both ways.

Those of us struggling have to be patient in helping our loved ones understand what we are going through and they have to be patient with us as we continue to work on ourselves.

The pressure for the perfect holiday experience is silly.

With social media the pressure for that perfect holiday experience is much more present. I found myself looking at people baking sugar cookies, decorating gingerbread houses, wrapping perfect presents, enjoying time with their picture perfect families, and I felt like I hadn’t lived the holidays to the fullest.

But the pressure for the perfect holiday experience is silly.

The holidays can be whatever you want to make it. Putting pressure on ourselves to do it all or to live up to someone else’s holiday expectations is not good for our mental health.

The holidays aren’t always glamourous. Sometimes they’re filled with family drama, sometimes they’re filled with struggles, and whatever your holiday looks like, it’s okay.

Hopefully this guide helped you understand what holiday anxiety can look like and a few tips for coping!

For more resources on mental health check out the Anxiety page and be sure to follow The Honest Consumer on social media.